Saturday, December 1, 2012

The Lies of our Forefathers

I have a pseudo-habit of getting play while watching movies or series that shouldn't be aphrodisiacs. In college it was Hellsing, since 2010, it's been Aliens.

 [I can kind of see Hellsing, but what the hell about Aliens makes panties moist?]
Oh right, the penises. There are penises everywhere. There are at least four in this picture alone

Now as happens during getting play, people dare to touch my no no square. And I let them, as I found out that there really isn't free candy in the van in the parking lot, just a traumatized childhood. Anyway, there I was, bumpin' no no squares   with a hottie with Aliens blaring in the background. It was one of my earlier sexual encounters and I wasn't exactly the most pro in the sack. I ended up finishing before she did -- and just as I did, I hear...

"Game Over man, Game Over!"

Truer words have never been spoken.

The first world event that I have any recollection of was the Fall of the Berlin Wall. I was just barely past 3 and a half years old, watching dudes with sledge hammers tear down a big graffiti covered wall. Needless to say I didn't get the Geo-political aspect of dudes tearing down a city spanning series of ramparts.

I was born into the age of "The Bear in the Woods" As a young child up until 1991 I was taught that Jesus loved me, and that the Soviet Union was going to either unleash Nuclear Armageddon upon all of us because they hated us for being Capitalist.

[And it would have been awesome, just like this]
errr... right guys?

 It was either that, or that they Soviet Union was going to come over to enslave us all force us to be communist and not let women wear make up because it didn't jive with their utilitarian aesthetics -- you know "because commies and stuff, amirite?" 

But that never happened. The Soviet Union finally dissolved in 1991, which the United States called a victory. Capitalism had won, yadda yadda yadda.

[Wait a minute... does this mean Red Dawn wasn't a documentary?]
It might not be too late to steal my thesis back from the review panel...

 And then... well, and then there was nothing. We no longer had an enemy. This was the early 90's so there were no wolves in the woods. The defense industry took a hit, especially in California, which would eventually help to precipitate the recall of Governor Davis in 2003. In 1993 we had Waco, in 1994 we had the Oklahoma City bombings. But no major enemy. We were at peace and calm for the first time in over half a century.

So what filled this gap?

"Go to College, Get an education and rake in the dough." That was more or less the mantra I was raised with. All I had to do was study hard, collect a degree and then look for a job and get hired. It's what my father did, it's what all of his colleagues did, it's what our parents and parents' friends did. So that's what I did. I went to college, and between benefits and a reasonable scholarship I ended up getting paid to go. I put in my four years then stayed an extra semester and got a second degree.

And then what happened? Like Comrade Stalin's Zombie Ghost, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, the lies unraveled. I paid my dues and got shit in return. Part of it was my fault for picking shit majors and finishing up in a recession, but on the other hand, I paid my dues. So dude, where's my job?

The lesson here is that once again my wide eyed childish idealism supplanted reality before I even knew better... and I ran with it for twenty four years of my life. This was not the first and last mistake I've made or will make. But there is a lesson to all of this: Have faith in nothing, but never stop working for what you want. The world is our proverbial oyster, all we have to do is pry it open and get that sweet pearl inside.

[It's subtly sexual and I'm a man whore so that's what makes it funny!]
Right guys? ... guys?

That's why I work 50-90 hours a week and am working on a masters. (Which will likely be another piece of paper that's only good for assuaging myself that I'm "better" than most everyone else in the room) That is why I drink myself stupid and take home random women.

Am I a paragon of happiness? No. Drinking and fucking is hardly fulfilling on an emotional level and it certainly isn't intellectually stimulating. Neither is grinding away at shitty retail jobs where you can smell your own perceived failure every time you walk in the door. (Although I may just be smelling the failure of all my customers, which means I've probably developed another set of alcoholic super powers. But I'm hardly the paragon of misery either. Maybe it's because I expect my hard work to be rewarded down the line, because, well you know, I have the learning capacity of a drunken howler monkey. Maybe it's because I'm surrounded by wonderful friends on a consistent basis. Maybe it's because I do live a fast lifestyle: working, drinking and boning. Or maybe it's because every day is a new lesson and a new way to make myself better. And of course, the possibility that' it's a twisted complex combination of those things that makes it work. Who knows?

So ladies and gents, don't hold your breath until my next update, because you'll seriously pass out. Unless you're a mutant. Then you could go ahead and try it, but you'd be wasting your marginally useless superpower on me, which is kinda cool... I guess.

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